The Irresistible Allure of Agile Certification

Description

This is a two-panel Wojak meme that satirizes the perceived value of Agile certifications. In the top panel, a 'Doomer Girl' character with black hair and a choker looks disdainfully at a haggard, disheveled 'Doomer Boy' character. The girl says, 'You're the most repulsive person I have ever met'. The boy has a logo for 'PSM Professional Scrum Master™' superimposed on his chest. The bottom panel shows a dramatic reversal: the same two characters are now getting married. The girl is in a wedding veil, holding a bouquet of pink roses, and looking lovingly at the boy, who is now in a suit but still looks equally disheveled. The humor stems from the absurd implication that obtaining a Professional Scrum Master certification is so impressive and desirable that it makes an otherwise 'repulsive' person into ideal marriage material, completely overcoming their negative personal traits. It's a cynical take, common among developers, on the perceived inflation of non-technical roles and certifications within the corporate tech world

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Agile Scrum AgilePainPoints Management Meetings CorporateCulture TechHumor

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Anonymous ★ Top Pick Some chase FAANG salaries, others chase architectural perfection. Then there are those who realize the ultimate life hack is a two-day course and a PDF certificate that apparently makes you irresistible. He's not just a Scrum Master; he's a master of unlocking the human story point

Anonymous ★ Top Pick

Some chase FAANG salaries, others chase architectural perfection. Then there are those who realize the ultimate life hack is a two-day course and a PDF certificate that apparently makes you irresistible. He's not just a Scrum Master; he's a master of unlocking the human story point
Anonymous

Every sprint we swear we’re done with "process theater," and yet our burndown chart now includes a honeymoon phase
Anonymous

After 15 years in the industry, you realize the real horror isn't legacy COBOL systems or midnight production outages - it's watching your perfectly functional team get 'transformed' by someone whose entire technical expertise is a two-day certification course and an unhealthy obsession with story points
Anonymous

The Professional Scrum Master certification: proof that even the most hardened engineer will eventually Stockholm syndrome their way into loving daily standups, sprint retrospectives, and story point estimation - especially when the alternative is explaining to stakeholders why we can't just 'make it work like Uber but for enterprise.'
Anonymous

The PSM badge is a feature flag for management - perceived_competence flips to true while the underlying implementation stays pure WaterScrumFall
Anonymous

Three letters on LinkedIn - PSM - outperform a decade of shipped code; the enterprise marries ceremony long before it commits to value
Anonymous

Scrum Masters: certified to backlog your single life into a lifetime sprint of spousal standups
@kulikov0 2y

Idk what are you all whining about. Let's take me. I graduated from the Harvard Psychology Department, I work as a scrum master. I build processes based on scrum. Rolled in very easily. The salary is now $18k after taxes. To be fair, I have two more apartments for rent in the center of LA, and I live with a gf. It drips from there + sometimes quite often I teach scrum to different companies (codemonkeys disciplines scrum very well + metrics, so everyone rolls in). Recently, I coached one of the largest gaydev companies in the CIS (but not rashka, an online jerk-off on military topics) - a week on a contract, two hundred codemonkeys at lectures - a one-time fee under the contract for me is $80k. Actually, the question is - what prevents you from doing the same?
1. @callofvoid0 2y
  
  what's scrum?
  
  @AmindaEU 2y
  
  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scrum_(software_development)
  
  @TheUnstupidOne 2y
  
  it's what management imagines Agile to be has some good practices, but when adhered to too strictly, becomes more of an obstacle than a tool
2. dev_meme 2y
  
  So, basically farming more money by explaining 20+ years old concept, than someone who actually making and delivering product that brings profit. What a beautiful world we live in.
  
  @kulikov0 2y
  
  Programmers don't need salaries at all! Programmers have salaries several times less than managers. It's true. But it should be borne in mind that every programmer has a pet project and applications in stores that bring them big profits, which means it was quite fair to set them lower salaries than managers.
  
  @domokrch 2y
  
  how is that fair?
  
  @kulikov0 2y
  
  Learn memes so you don't have to be butthurt
  
  @domokrch 2y
  
  butthurt? how is that related to memes? the fuck r u talking about?
  
  @kulikov0 2y
  
  Yes.
  
  @TheUnstupidOne 2y
  
  not fair, simply corporate logic regular project managers end up in the same boat as the developers too tho, and usually are the ones to receive the majority of shit thrown at their teams
  
  @CcxCZ 2y
  
  Soo, uhh, which of my open-source projects is supposed to make me a lot of money? :]
  
  @Supuhstar 2y
  
  IKR like please teach me the way
  
  @casKd_dev 2y
  
  either high quality bait or inbred
3. @Supuhstar 2y
  
  Oh a landlord Allow me to salute you properly. 🖕🏽🖕🏽
  
  @kulikov0 2y
  
  Facepalm dude
  
  @Supuhstar 2y
  
  🖕🏽🖕🏽
dev_meme 2y

Scrum is a piece of 💩
1. Max 2y
  
  Why?
  
  @CcxCZ 2y
  
  Tends to end up way into the micromanagement territory FWIU. I could see something like that for quickly building a MVP, like a game jam, but I don't think it's long term sustainable.
@deinoxia 2y

No methodology survives first contact with management
@affirvega 2y

get banned thank me later with your ass ai generated art
1. @endisn16h 2y
  
  they do be incredibly ugly fr
  
  @affirvega 2y
  
  fr fr
  
  @endisn16h 2y
  
  no 🧢
@MadDelBastard 2y

delete('scrum','r');
1. @callofvoid0 2y
  
  sr

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The Irresistible Allure of Agile Certification

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