Onboarding to the 'simple' new build system

That's not a build system, that's a self-hosting compiler that achieved sentience and is now holding the entire CI/CD pipeline hostage for more esoteric languages

“Apparently ‘one-click build’ means Ruby emits Rust that emits Scala that emits 125 more dialects until REXX regenerates the Ruby - and Bazel still cache-misses the whole ouroboros. Yeah, I’ll be productive by Friday.”

After 20 years in the industry, I've learned that any build system described as 'easy' is inversely proportional to its actual complexity - and this one appears to have achieved quantum entanglement across 128 language runtimes just to compile 'Hello World'

Ah yes, the classic onboarding experience: 'Our build system is simple!' they said, conveniently omitting that 'simple' means a 128-language quine relay where Ruby generates Rust generates Scala... and eventually circles back to Ruby. Nothing says 'productive within a week' quite like needing to install toolchains for languages that haven't been relevant since the Clinton administration. At least the CI badge is green - though I suspect it's been cached since 2015 and nobody dares touch it for fear of awakening the ancient build gods

Productive in a week? Only after quining through 128 languages to bootstrap 'hello world'

“Our build is simple” - it’s a 128‑language quine relay: Ruby generates Rust that compiles Scala to emit REXX that recreates Ruby. CI calls it hermetic; I call it a perfectly engineered loop of dependency hell

Nothing says “easy build” like a 128-language quine relay - your dependency graph stops being a DAG and starts requiring a termination proof