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Is Hating PHP a Personality Trait?
Languages Post #191, on Mar 1, 2019 in TG

Is Hating PHP a Personality Trait?

Why is this Languages meme funny?

Level 1: Hating the Vegetable You've Never Tasted

A student points at the idea of hating a certain computer language — called PHP — and proudly declares that this hatred is his whole personality. The joke is that he's never actually worked a single day using it; he just heard older kids say it's uncool. It's like a child loudly announcing they hate a food they've never tasted, because hating it makes them feel grown-up — while the "yucky" food in question happens to be what most of the world's restaurants quietly serve every day. The picture laughs at choosing an opinion as a costume instead of earning it through experience.

Level 2: The Vocabulary of the Language Wars

  • PHP: a server-side language created in 1995, originally for templating personal home pages, that grew into the backbone of a huge portion of the web. WordPress (the dominant content-management system) and Laravel (a modern, well-regarded web framework) are its flagship ecosystems.
  • Language wars: the recreational sport of declaring languages good or evil — PHP vs Python, tabs vs spaces, Vim vs Emacs. Mostly tribal signaling; occasionally smuggling a real technical point.
  • Gatekeeping: making others feel like outsiders for using "wrong" tools. The meme inverts the gate: the gatekeeper here hasn't passed through it himself.
  • "Made money programming": shorthand for production experience — code with real users, real uptime requirements, and real consequences. It changes your evaluation criteria fast: suddenly documentation, hiring pools, cheap hosting, and boring reliability outrank elegance.

The honest junior-level takeaway: you will absorb opinions before you have experience — everyone does; it's how learning communities work. The trap is wearing those opinions as identity. If someone asks why PHP is bad and your answer is a meme rather than a specific, current technical trade-off ("here's where its type system still bites compared to X, and here's what that costs"), you're reciting, not reasoning. Try building one small thing in the language you mock. Worst case, you earn your contempt honestly; best case, you discover modern PHP looks nothing like the 2008 horror stories.

Level 3: Opinions Per Production Deploy

The "Is This a Pigeon?" format — the bespectacled anime man from The Brave Fighter of Sun Fighbird earnestly misidentifying a butterfly — exists to mock confident misclassification, and this instance aims it with sniper precision. The man: "2ND YEAR STUDENTS WHO HAVE NEVER MADE MONEY PROGRAMMING." The butterfly: "HATING PHP." The caption: "IS THIS A PERSONALITY."

The satire works on two stacked layers. The surface layer is the eternal language war, of which PHP-bashing is the longest-running front. PHP earned genuine criticism in its early eras: inconsistent standard-library naming (strpos vs str_replace), the needle/haystack argument-order lottery, weak typing yielding comparison absurdities (the infamous "0" == false family), and a 2000s ecosystem of copy-pasted SQL-injection tutorials. The famous essay "PHP: a fractal of bad design" gave a generation citable ammunition. But the meme's bite is in the label on the man: the loudest PHP haters are disproportionately people quoting that ammunition secondhand, who have never had to weigh language aesthetics against shipping, hiring, hosting costs, or a client's deadline — because they've never had a client.

The deeper layer is about identity-driven engineering, an actual industry pathology. Holding fashionable contempt is the cheapest way to signal membership in a tribe — it requires no shipped product, no maintained codebase, no 3 AM incident. Meanwhile the despised butterfly quietly runs an enormous share of the commercial web: WordPress alone powers a staggering fraction of all sites, Laravel made PHP development genuinely pleasant, Facebook was built on it (then built HHVM and Hack rather than leave it), and PHP 7+/8 closed most of the historical performance and type-safety gaps with real type declarations, JIT compilation, and a mature package ecosystem via Composer. The punchline experienced devs supply themselves: the student will graduate, interview at a local agency, and discover that the codebase paying their first salary is a WordPress plugin. Veterans don't love every tool they use — they've just learned that "this stack is paying me to solve problems" beats "this stack is beneath me" everywhere outside of a dorm-room argument. Strong opinions are fine; the meme taxes strong opinions held at zero cost.

Description

This image uses the popular 'Is this a pigeon?' anime meme format. In the meme, an anime character, a young man with glasses, is pointing at a yellow butterfly. The character is labeled with the text '2ND YEAR STUDENTS WHO HAVE NEVER MADE MONEY PROGRAMMING'. The butterfly is labeled 'HATING PHP'. At the bottom of the image, the caption reads, 'IS THIS A PERSONALITY'. The meme satirizes the common trend among junior developers and computer science students to adopt a strong, negative opinion about the PHP programming language as a substitute for having a well-developed professional identity or experience. It points out the irony that this opinion is often held by those who have never used the language in a professional, money-making context. For experienced developers, the humor lies in recognizing this pattern of adopting popular opinions without practical experience, a form of tech tribalism often seen in newcomers to the field

Comments

8
Anonymous ★ Top Pick Some developers build a personality around hating PHP. The rest of us were too busy shipping projects and cashing checks from a 15-year-old WordPress plugin we wrote
  1. Anonymous ★ Top Pick

    Some developers build a personality around hating PHP. The rest of us were too busy shipping projects and cashing checks from a 15-year-old WordPress plugin we wrote

  2. Anonymous

    Give the sophomores time; the first day their shiny TypeScript service 502s because the 2006 PHP monolith it secretly proxies is down, they’ll learn humility is a runtime dependency

  3. Anonymous

    Meanwhile, the PHP app they're mocking has processed 10 billion requests today while their perfectly architected Rust microservice is still compiling from last Tuesday

  4. Anonymous

    PHP has been declared dead every year since 1998 - meanwhile it keeps cashing checks bigger than the hot take that buried it

  5. Anonymous

    Ah yes, the classic second-year developer phase: confidently explaining why PHP is terrible while their most complex production experience is a todo app that crashes when you add a third item. They've read all the Medium articles about 'modern' languages but haven't yet discovered that half the internet runs on PHP codebases older than their college enrollment, maintained by engineers making multiples of their future starting salary. Give it two years and a legacy Laravel project with actual users - they'll learn that every language is terrible in its own special way, and the real personality trait is shipping code that works rather than having opinions about semicolons

  6. Anonymous

    “Hating PHP” is a personality until your first SLA is tied to a WordPress checkout - then strict_types, Composer, and OPcache become your favorite colleagues

  7. Anonymous

    Amazing how 'PHP is trash' refactors into 'ship it' the first time a WordPress retainer pays your AWS bill and Composer actually resolves

  8. Anonymous

    Hating PHP sans production scars is peak junior luxury; seniors know it's the resilient beast funding half the internet's empire

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