Databases
Post #7082 · source on Telegram
MongoDB Stock Skyrockets After Trump Puts Tariff on Joins Joke
Description
A screenshot with the caption 'trump puts a tariff on joins' above a stock ticker showing MongoDB (MDB) at $259.30, down $4.05 (1.85%) during regular trading but surging $44.91 (20.95%) in after-hours trading. The stock chart shows a massive vertical spike in the after-hours session. The joke is that since MongoDB is a NoSQL database famously known for not supporting joins (or making them very expensive), if the US government put a tariff on SQL joins, MongoDB would benefit enormously as companies would be forced to use NoSQL databases instead
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29Comment deleted
Finally, a government policy that aligns with MongoDB's architecture: making joins prohibitively expensive is just fiscal policy now
Finally, a macro-economic justification for that decade-old "we chose Mongo because it doesn’t need joins" slide
Ah yes, the classic architectural pattern where your NoSQL database stock moons 21% because someone threatened to make JOINs more expensive - though at this rate, MongoDB's market cap will soon exceed the total cost of all the denormalized data duplication it's ever caused
Finally, a tariff policy that makes sense to database architects: MongoDB stock soars 21% after-hours on news that SQL JOINs will be taxed. Turns out the real cost of normalization wasn't just the N+1 queries - it was geopolitical all along. Meanwhile, senior engineers who've been denormalizing data for performance are now being hailed as economic visionaries, and every startup is pivoting to document stores to avoid the 'relational overhead tax.' The irony? MongoDB's $lookup operator is basically a JOIN in disguise, but apparently the market hasn't read the aggregation pipeline docs yet
Tax JOINs and every architect’s cost‑optimization deck becomes denormalization, with finance asking if MongoDB’s $lookup qualifies as a foreign trade agreement - latency being the hidden tariff
Tariffs on joins? MongoDB architects: 'Finally, geopolitics validates our duplication strategy over that relational tax.'
If joins get “taxed,” everyone migrates to Mongo and then reimplements them in microservices - congrats, you’ve built a slower distributed join with egress fees
Left join liberals and Right join conservatives Comment deleted
Actually, MongoDB doesn't inherently support joins 🤓🤓🤓 Comment deleted
scam detected! it's honeypot token - foxy said Comment deleted
have you ever heard of a slavic drink "cumpot"? Comment deleted
Wait, thats a real thing? Comment deleted
sure. Comment deleted
it's spelled differently but pronounced exactly like this. Comment deleted
ahhh, I got now what's cumpot Comment deleted
thanks god I didn't think "cum" pot Comment deleted
called kompott in german … but I wouldn't drink that. I mean I guess technically it's similar to a smoothie, but like. no. it's sauce for kaiserschmarrn and similar things. Comment deleted
ok I did some more research, apparrently: - what we call Kompott here in upper austria is called Mus or Dauch elsewhere, and is more similar to "apple sauce" in english than "Kompott" in other german-speaking regions and really the rest of europe Comment deleted
- the thing you mean is indeed Kompott in german, and also Kompott here, but since we use the word Kompott for both this and apple sauce, the less popular one normally has to be specified Comment deleted
- I still wouldn't drink it tho Comment deleted
to elaborate on this: - if we say "apfelkompott" we mean apple sauce - if we say "pfirsichkompott" we mean peach cumpot (more commonly called "einglegter pfirsich" though, meaning roughly "preserved peach") Comment deleted
yeah, the composition differs across countries. Comment deleted
Oh, i know whats that. Compota in spanish Comment deleted
idk it just feels wrong. doesn't help that I don't like cumpot in the first place (apple sauce is nice tho) Comment deleted
maybe you need slav genes to be able to drink it Comment deleted
yknow what, imma ask my gf what she thinks about this Comment deleted
she says it's drinkable… (she's polish) Comment deleted
компот is literally just boiled berries/fruits with sugar in drink form Comment deleted
still don't like it Comment deleted