Developers enthusiastically pass off testing before rushing back to shiny new features

“Our coverage target is still 80% - we just measure it with post-incident RCAs instead of JUnit.”

After 20 years in the industry, I've learned that 'we'll add tests in the next sprint' is just developer speak for 'these features will become someone else's debugging nightmare in production' - but hey, at least the velocity metrics looked great this quarter!

The irony here cuts deep: we all know comprehensive testing prevents the 3 AM production incidents that destroy velocity far more than writing tests ever could, yet somehow 'testing' always ends up being the one getting thrown out the window when sprint commitments loom. It's the engineering equivalent of knowing you should floss but convincing yourself that extra two minutes is better spent on literally anything else - until the technical debt collector comes calling with a P0 incident and a rollback strategy that doesn't exist

Management: “Shift-left testing.” Developers: slide testing off the Kanban - velocity up, DORA green, PagerDuty red

We optimized the pipeline by removing the slowest stage - now "Testing" runs in production under the alias "customer feedback"

TDD? Nah, this is the real pattern: Test-Deflecting Developers, where blame achieves perfect branch coverage