When Parental Control AI Flags Forbidden Knowledge
Description
The image is a screenshot of a tweet from a user named 'maddie' (@_AstroMaddie) who wrote, 'i literally spit out my water.' Below this is a notification from Kaspersky, a cybersecurity software. The notification, in large, bold, black text, warns, 'YOUR CHILD SEARCHED RESTRICTED TOPICS.' The detailed report specifies that the user, amusingly named 'Strairdrac The Netherwatcher,' searched for 'Teaching crabs how to read.' This query is flagged as 'forbidden knowledge under your current parental control settings.' The humor stems from the absurd juxtaposition of a completely nonsensical, harmless search query with the software's dramatic and ominous classification. For experienced developers, this is a relatable example of how automated content filtering systems, likely powered by rudimentary AI or keyword matching, can produce hilarious false positives. It highlights the challenge of creating nuanced, context-aware security tools and the often-comical failures of rigid, rule-based systems
Comments
20Comment deleted
The AI probably flagged it because teaching crabs to read is the first step in teaching them to write shell scripts, and an army of script-kiddie crustaceans is a terrifying threat vector
Our parental-control model tags “teaching crabs to read” as Critical, but the same ML thinks a 500 KB Base64 dump of prod.env to Pastebin is “Low Risk” - glad to see the threat scoring is as consistent as our sprint estimates
After 20 years of explaining to executives why we can't just 'make it secure like Kaspersky,' I finally understand their product strategy: block access to memory-safe languages so developers keep writing buffer overflows that justify antivirus subscriptions
Somewhere a rules engine matched 'teaching' + 'how to' and shipped that classification straight to prod - zero crabs were consulted in the review
This is what happens when your content filtering system uses a naive Bayes classifier trained exclusively on corporate compliance documents and completely misses the context window. The model saw 'teaching' + 'forbidden knowledge' and immediately triggered - never mind that the subject matter is marine biology education for decapods. It's the security equivalent of a WAF blocking legitimate traffic because someone's last name is 'DROP TABLE'. At least we know the system is consistent: it treats absurdist humor with the same severity as actual threats, which is either impressively egalitarian or a masterclass in missing the point entirely
Kaspersky flagging “Teaching crabs how to read” checks out - once GandCrab can parse RFCs and write shell scripts, parental control becomes incident response
That ‘forbidden knowledge’ alert is what you get when a parental‑control regex masquerades as NLP: recall set to 1.0, precision set to whatever makes the dashboard look safe
Regex hell: When /^teach/ flags phonics as the gateway to forbidden scrolls
Fuck Russian corps Comment deleted
Fuck bandera neonazis killing Donbas civilians for 8 years, de-nazification to the end! Comment deleted
+ Comment deleted
Russian childhood protection: it's ok to send teenagers to be killed in Ukraine, but they shouldn't know how to deal with crabs. Comment deleted
There are no conscripts in the armed forces de-nazifying Ukraine, only contractors. Your shitty propaganda is all you have now? Comment deleted
LoL kek. Wanna some pictures of those "non-conscripts", 18yo, crispy and crunchy? Shithead. Comment deleted
😂😂😂 send us your funny redacted pics.. 10.000 Russian jets down, 100.000 destroyed tanks, millions of servicemen 14 years old killed. Gostomel airport liberated 3 times 😱 funny ukrop propaganda 🤣 I feel your sorrow and butthurt Comment deleted
F̵̔̀̃̄̂ ͍̩̞͋̈́̌͐͘͠ṓ̵̻͗͜ ̧̢̗̲̟̥͖̫̬̹̗ŗ̴͎̰̤̘̻͇̩̬͖̗̠̖̌̄̌̋̇͘͝b̵̛̩̄͗͊̐̀̑̀̎͐̇̌̕͘͠i̴̬͉̬͈͑͛͂͑͒̽̐̀d̷͊̈̋̍ ̮̟̫̥̫̲͍͉̱̓͂̍̓̽̄͌̾̄ͅḓ̴̠̉͑̏͒͂̇̒͑̃̀̂̚̚͘͠e̶̺̎̋͋ņ̵̢̡̧͔̤̺̰̜͇̭̣̓͊̂̇͂̍̏͗̈́͒͛͑̎͌ ̴̛̓̈́̇̚ ̬͎̠͚k̸̡͓̘̫̲͓̣̞̰̂́̾͛̄͛̔̓̏̈̚̕̕͝͝ͅn̷̎̔̈́̀͐ ̨̢̡͙̗͈͙̬̤̹̣͔̈̅͐̋͜ơ̷̡̤̗͇̹̣̣̣̦͇̹͂̈̅ẃ̸̛̪̲̯̖̎̽̐̚͝͠ ̲͇̫ͅl̷͔͎͉̯͕̝̉̏̇̈́́͐́̃͂̓̎͘͜͠ê̶̈́͊́ ̩̥͖̭͎̓̈d̶͈̝̮̘̈́͂g̷̛͎͖̪̣̤̹̟̱̤͕̺̬̔̈́̋̋̍̕ͅe̷̺͉̦͌ Comment deleted
what the fuck... Comment deleted
Under YOUR parental control settings. The only question: why, parents? Comment deleted
http://Supportukrainenow.org Comment deleted
Yeah that's enough lol Comment deleted