Languages
Post #6830 · source on Telegram
JavaScript reinvented as browser-Java: SpongeBob crew can’t break the news
Description
Screenshot of an X (Twitter) post by @HSVsphere reading “How do we tell him,” followed by the familiar SpongeBob still where Mr. Krabs and Squidward stare through a porthole at SpongeBob happily wiping a table inside the Krusty Krab. Beneath the cartoon image is a quoted post from @forloopcodes saying, “Startup idea: java but it works on your browser and html files.” The humor comes from the oblivious ‘startup idea’ that unknowingly describes JavaScript, while the characters’ worried faces capture seasoned engineers’ horror at yet another reinvention of a 1995 technology. For developers, it’s a perfect storm of name-collision history (Java vs. JavaScript), web-dev nostalgia, and classic “not-invented-here” syndrome
More like this
More like this in Languages →
Use J and K for navigation
Comments
33Comment deleted
Sure, call the seed round ‘Series 4.0 - because we’ve been shipping this exact polyfill since Netscape Gold.’
Somewhere in the afterlife, Brendan Eich is watching someone reinvent JavaScript while James Gosling mutters 'We tried browser Java, it had more security holes than a Swiss cheese firewall and took longer to load than a Maven build with a corrupted .m2 directory.'
This is the software equivalent of pitching 'email but for computers' to a room full of CTOs. The beautiful irony here is that Java applets were actually a thing in the 90s - complete with security nightmares and the dreaded browser plugin prompts - before being ceremoniously deprecated. Meanwhile, JavaScript literally *is* 'Java but it works in your browser' (naming confusion aside), making this startup pitch a perfect storm of reinventing two wheels simultaneously: one that already crashed and burned, and one that's currently running the entire modern web. It's like proposing to disrupt the transportation industry by inventing 'a horseless carriage' at a Tesla shareholders meeting
Their 'full-stack Java' MVP: browser JIT hangs longer than a COBOL mainframe outage
Great pitch - most of us call it JavaScript (née LiveScript); if you really want Java in the browser, ship GWT/TeaVM and tell the board it’s a WASM roadmap
The ‘startup idea’ is just JavaScript with a new label; the real work is explaining prototypes, a single‑threaded event loop, DOM APIs, and why class in JS is mostly syntactic sugar to every VC
We tell the creator of the meme that JavaScript is to Java what carpet is to car Comment deleted
Pet? Comment deleted
carpet inherits car carpet.honk() Comment deleted
Then why it is called like this? Of course cock is not related to cockroach but sometimes you have a thought Comment deleted
Because Java was popular at the time JS was created. Just like when cockroaches were named, cock was very much in fashion Comment deleted
Never thought i will read something like this Comment deleted
Greatest statement ever! Comment deleted
I think cock was popular when JavaScript was created as well... explains a lot tbh Comment deleted
We already tried Java in the browser Comment deleted
While applets were cursed ActionScript/Flash was great! Especially for security researchers 🌚 Comment deleted
Startup idea: Java, but not covered by Sun patents. Comment deleted
OpenJDK? Comment deleted
Microsoft JVM and Visual J++ No, just kidding. Microsoft.NET Comment deleted
EEE Comment deleted
wtf Comment deleted
https://cheerpj.com/cheerpj-3-1-released/ Comment deleted
Was about to post this, lol… we’ve come full-circle Comment deleted
Kill it! Kill it with fire! Comment deleted
Btw, is there a webassembly version of react native already? Comment deleted
why would it ever be useful Comment deleted
The question shouldn’t be “why?” But rather “why not?” Comment deleted
that sort of thing is why we have tons of incompatible frameworks and languages Comment deleted
JSP my beloved 😂😂😂 Comment deleted
Pizdec Comment deleted
Is that the freddy fazbear Comment deleted
har har har Comment deleted
wasn't it called applet or something? Comment deleted