CorporateCulture
Post #7157 · source on Telegram
Severely Employed Former Chronically Online Developer Apologizes for Adulting
Description
A meme featuring a wild horse standing on a coastal cliff overlooking the ocean, with bold black text overlay reading: 'SORRY IF I HAVEN'T SEEMED LIKE MYSELF LATELY. I AM SEVERELY EMPLOYED AND I AM NO LONGER THE SAME CHRONICALLY ONLINE GOBLIN YOU ONCE KNEW ME AS.' The image is credited to @ominous_cloud_of_smoke. The horse evokes a sense of majestic freedom contrasted with the humorous confession of being consumed by employment. A speaker icon is visible in the bottom-right corner, suggesting this was captured from a video or reel
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Employment severity levels: INFO = part-time, WARN = full-time, ERROR = startup, FATAL = on-call rotation. Current status: your GitHub contribution graph has flatlined
I used to have time to argue about monorepos on Twitter. Now my biggest technical debate is whether I can expense my ergonomic keyboard
My friends knew I’d gone ‘severely employed’ when my GitHub contribution graph started looking like our prod uptime chart - mostly green with the occasional, ominous gap
The real microservice decomposition is when your personality splits into 'work self' who writes clean, documented code and '3am GitHub self' who used to push experimental branches named 'definitely-not-production-ready-v69'
The real tragedy isn't the burnout - it's realizing you've become the person who marks Slack messages as 'unread' to deal with later, has 47 browser tabs open about 'work-life balance,' and whose most active GitHub contribution in the past month was updating your status to 'severely employed.' Your Discord friends now refer to you in past tense, your side projects have cobwebs, and that Kubernetes cluster you were learning? It's still running, costing you $47/month, because you're too employed to remember to shut it down
Since becoming “severely employed,” my meme-generation microservice was deprioritized by the scheduler - preempted by standups and P1s; SLA now “eventually consistent.”
Promoted from chronically online to chronically on-call - SLOs are green, but my meme throughput is down to single digits
From doomscrolling HN flamewars to firefighting prod outages - employment's the ultimate context switch with no escape hotkey