The Anti-Object-Oriented Programming Manifesto

Procedural programmer: 'Here's the function that solves the problem.' The enterprise OOP architect: 'An excellent proof of concept, now where is your AbstractProblemSolvingStrategyFactory interface?'

Profiler flagged the 300-line AbstractFinalBuilderFactory as our hottest path, so I replaced it with a struct and a function pointer; latency dropped 40%, and the only thing that broke was the UML diagram

After 20 years, I finally understand why they call it Object-Oriented Programming - it's because every architectural discussion eventually becomes an object-ion to someone else's perfectly working code

This meme perfectly captures the existential dread of opening a 'simple' Java codebase only to find seventeen layers of AbstractSingletonProxyFactoryBean wrappers around what could've been a function and a struct. The real kicker? Linus actually did call C++ 'a horrible language' and refused it in the kernel - turns out when you're managing millions of lines of performance-critical code, 'idiotic object model crap' isn't just a meme, it's a legitimate architectural concern. Meanwhile, the Lisp developers are still smugly pointing out they solved this in 1958 with macros and closures, but nobody invited them to the enterprise party

OOP is fine; it’s when you start subclassing String and stacking FactoryFactories that you’re debugging the org chart, not the code

OOP: Where a C struct gets promoted to a FactoryBuilderAbstractProxySingleton, complete with Spring context startup lag

Every abstract factory you add is another pointer chase between the bug and the stack trace - your cloud bill calls it “abstraction.”