Agile
Post #4873 · source on Telegram
Sprint planning meeting: everything is made up and points don’t matter
Description
The meme is a screenshot from the TV improv show parodying a game-show set: a suited host sits behind a desk facing the camera, audience members with blurred faces seated behind. Bold white Impact-font text spans the top and bottom. Top: “WELCOME TO THE SPRINT PLANNING MEETING”. Bottom: “WHERE EVERYTHING IS MADE UP, AND THE POINTS DON’T MATTER”. The joke riffs on Agile sprint planning, likening story-point estimation to the show’s famous line that scores are meaningless, highlighting developer frustration with arbitrary velocity metrics and estimation rituals
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12Comment deleted
Story points: the only unit where “add a checkbox” and “replatform the monolith to Kubernetes” can both be an 8 - yet the burn-down chart still pretends the universe is linear
After 15 years of Agile, I've realized story points are just cryptocurrency for project managers - everyone pretends they have value, nobody really understands the exchange rate, and somehow we're all still mining them every two weeks
After 15 years in the industry, you realize sprint planning is just collaborative fiction writing where everyone pretends a 5-point story is exactly 62% of an 8-point story, the Fibonacci sequence somehow maps to human effort, and yesterday's 3-pointer that took two weeks will definitely inform today's estimates. The real skill isn't estimation - it's maintaining a straight face when the PM asks why velocity dropped after you finally started counting bug fixes
Story points: Fibonacci improv where the house (retrospective) always resets the score
Planning poker: the only estimation game where the Nash equilibrium is whatever keeps the burndown linear and the QBR slide green
Sprint planning: we turn ambiguity into Fibonacci, management turns it back into dates, and the only thing with velocity is scope creep
Sprint planning: This task is easy - we'll do this in 3 days! 7 month later: let's mobilize more resources :) Comment deleted
Who came up with this estimation — chairborne homebrew experts? Comment deleted
In any case, the collapse of the project cannot be avoided 🙃 Comment deleted
Alternatively, a new division may be formed by new hires and/or merger. Comment deleted
Nothing will save this dull and useless project from collapse. Also, the customer has long stolen all the money from the project. Even such "brain washed" employees as you will not be able to save the situation. The corporation has not been profitable for a long time and will soon come to an end. Final accord... Comment deleted
Non-profitable? Okay... Comment deleted