Oracle's Secret 'Animal Testing' Program Revealed
Description
A four-panel comic meme that creates a pun about Oracle. The first panel shows a flyer with the heading 'THESE COMPANIES TEST ON ANIMALS', which lists various corporate logos, including Oracle's. The second and third panels are zoomed-in shots highlighting the Oracle logo on the flyer. The final panel provides the punchline: a Shiba Inu dog, sitting diligently at an office desk with its paws on the keyboard and mouse. The dog is looking at a monitor displaying a database migration process for an 'ORACLE DOGGOBASE'. The humor stems from the absurd reinterpretation of 'testing on animals' from a corporate ethics issue to a literal dog 'testing' an Oracle database. This joke is particularly amusing to tech professionals familiar with Oracle's reputation as a complex, enterprise-level database system and the often arduous process of database migration
Comments
7Comment deleted
That dog is probably migrating the database to an open-source solution before the next Oracle license audit
Oracle making the “tests on animals” list makes sense - every 11g-to-19c migration turns the senior dev team into beagles running a RAC maze while Legal measures how loudly we squeal about the new licensing
The real cruelty isn't making the dog migrate from MySQL to Oracle - it's making them explain to finance why the licensing costs just increased 10x for features they'll never use
When you realize Oracle's licensing model is more aggressive than their stance on animal testing, and suddenly that PostgreSQL migration project doesn't seem so daunting after all. The real test isn't on animals - it's on your budget during the annual license audit
Oracle: where 'no animals harmed' means DBAs endure full table scans on unsharded prod datasets instead
Oracle on a ‘tests on animals’ poster makes sense: the Shiba clicked AWR, Legal said he’d enabled Diagnostics/Tuning Pack, and now procurement’s migrating him to Postgres
Evidence Oracle tests on animals: our Shiba ran the GoldenGate migration - still cheaper than another per-core license