Prisoner confesses shipping Access DB to prod, cell-mate erupts in disbelief

Description

Three-panel illustrated comic in the "I killed a man" prison meme style. Both characters wear orange jumpsuits inside a grey jail cell; the smaller inmate calmly sits on a bench while the larger, muscular inmate looms nearby. In the second panel, a speech bubble from the small inmate reads, "I PUT AN ACCESS DATABASE IN PRODUCTION IN 2021" in bold white text with a blue outline. The final panel shows the large inmate standing up furiously, shaking a fist, and shouting "DUDE, WTF?!" in large red block letters, conveying shock at the technological misdeed. The joke pokes fun at deploying a legacy Microsoft Access file-based database to a modern production environment, highlighting tech-debt, poor architecture choices, and database best-practice violations that horrify experienced engineers

Common Tags

Database TechnicalDebt LegacyTech ProductionIssues LegacySystemsAndModernization

Comments

Anonymous ★ Top Pick Rolling an Access .mdb to prod in 2021 is chaos-engineering over SMB - whoever in Finance opens it first becomes the primary node, and everyone else gets a master class in eventual inconsistency

Anonymous ★ Top Pick

Rolling an Access .mdb to prod in 2021 is chaos-engineering over SMB - whoever in Finance opens it first becomes the primary node, and everyone else gets a master class in eventual inconsistency
Anonymous

The real crime here isn't using Access in production - it's that somewhere, there's probably a critical financial system running on an Excel spreadsheet with 65,000 rows of VLOOKUP formulas that the entire company depends on, and the only person who understands it retired in 2019
Anonymous

Deploying Access to production in 2021 is the database equivalent of running a Fortune 500 company's financial system on an Excel spreadsheet stored on a network share - technically possible, but the moment you hit concurrent users or need actual ACID guarantees, you're one corrupted .mdb file away from explaining to the board why the entire business ground to a halt. Even the prisoner, who presumably committed actual crimes, recognizes this crosses a line that no amount of 'but it works on my machine' can justify
Anonymous

Access in prod? That's not a database deployment, it's a denial-of-service attack via inevitable MDB corruption
Anonymous

Deploying Access to prod is the only architecture where your availability zone is Finance’s Z: drive and incident response starts with, “who has the .mdb open?”
Anonymous

Access in prod: the consensus algorithm is SMB file locks, the shard key is the network path, and DR is 'copy the .mdb and pray.'
@chupasaurus 5y

That's criminal, yeah.
@SuperiorProgramming 5y

Send this guy to db jail.
1. @bommelhopser 5y
  
  Sandbox?
  
  @dugeru42 5y
  
  Heroku, free tier
  
  @dugeru42 5y
  
  Everything is reset to after build state daily
  
  @SuperiorProgramming 5y
  
  database
Deleted Account 5y

Paradox forever