CorporateCulture
Post #4324 · source on Telegram
New hire reaction when seniors bet on your inevitable quick exit
Description
Three-panel meme using a scene from The Witcher: In each panel the armored protagonist stands against a gray sky. Panel 1 shows him looking forward with the subtitle "- Hmm". Panel 2 shows the same pose, subtitle unchanged. Panel 3 shows him looking down with visible frustration, subtitle "- Fuck". Large text banner above all panels reads: "WHEN YOU JOIN A NEW COMPANY AND THE SENIORS TEAM STARTS PUTTING BETS FOR HOW LONG BEFORE YOU RUN AWAY". The humor captures an onboarding scenario where seasoned engineers openly wager on a newcomer’s retention, highlighting toxic corporate culture, attrition, and the intimidation juniors sometimes feel when entering a legacy codebase or high-pressure environment
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Discovered the team’s KPI isn’t velocity - it’s MTTR: Mean Time To Resignation, and apparently I’m already inside the 95th-percentile forecast
The betting pool isn't about you leaving - it's about which legacy system will break you first: the 15-year-old monolith they're 'gradually migrating,' the custom ORM someone wrote in 2009, or the deployment process that requires sacrificing a keyboard to the Jenkins gods
When the onboarding wiki's last edit predates three rounds of layoffs and the seniors have a spreadsheet named 'pool.xlsx', the system is telling you its MTTR - mean time to resignation
The senior team's betting pool on your survival time is essentially a distributed consensus algorithm where the Byzantine fault tolerance is measured in weeks, and the only guaranteed outcome is that the smart money is on 'before the first production deploy.'
Seniors running a betting pool on your tenure? MTTR here means Mean Time To Resignation - and the runbook is a LinkedIn bookmark
If seniors have an attrition betting pool, your DORA metrics are already inverted - MTTR now means Mean Time To Resignation
New hire survival rate: lower than our branch coverage