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Kernel Nightmares: Linus Torvalds hosts a Gordon-Ramsay-style code review show
CodeReviews Post #5889 · source on Telegram

Kernel Nightmares: Linus Torvalds hosts a Gordon-Ramsay-style code review show

Description

Screenshot of a dark-mode Twitter post. In the upper left is a circular avatar (face blurred) followed by bold white text: "Florian Roth" with a blue verification badge, then the handle "@cyb3rops" and a grey timestamp "· 9h". The tweet reads: "Linus is the Gordon Ramsay of the Linux Kernel. I‘d love to watch a show called ‚Kernel Nightmares‘ in which he yells at developers ‚What is this? Look at this crap!‘ ‚The socket is raw!‘ ‚Close it down!‘ ‚that was an idiot branch switch‘". Visually, the tweet is on a pure black background with white type and light-grey metadata, standard for Twitter night theme. Technically, the post riffs on Linus Torvalds’ famously blunt LKML feedback, equating his patch reviews to Gordon Ramsay’s kitchen meltdowns - an analogy senior engineers will recognize from decades of sometimes abrasive kernel mailing-list culture and the pain of having low-level C patches rejected with colorful commentary

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Comments

23
Anonymous ★ Top Pick Some chefs garnish with parsley; Linus garnishes your patch with a three-paragraph profanity-laden stack trace
  1. Anonymous ★ Top Pick

    Some chefs garnish with parsley; Linus garnishes your patch with a three-paragraph profanity-laden stack trace

  2. Anonymous

    Finally, a reality show where 'garbage collection' means firing incompetent developers and 'kernel panic' is just Tuesday's code review

  3. Anonymous

    The show would need a 'Kernel Panic' button for when Linus discovers someone tried to merge a 10,000-line patch with no commit message at 3 AM on a Friday. Episode finale: 'This driver has more race conditions than the Indy 500, and somehow less documentation than a startup's API. Get out of my git tree!'

  4. Anonymous

    Linus reviews: where your kernel patch gets roasted hotter than a raw socket in prod - 'idiot branch, shut it down!'

  5. Anonymous

    Kernel chefs don’t do medium‑rare: if your socket is 'raw', the maintainer will close(fd), revert the patch from net/, and ask who 'git switch'’d into master during -rc1

  6. Anonymous

    LKML already is Kernel Nightmares - “the socket is raw” is a CVE appetizer, and the “idiot branch switch” is why your history stopped bisecting at release time

  7. @atlascomputing 2y

    Who would be Mark Pierre-White then to say "He made himself cry. That was his choice to cry"?

  8. @danylo1554 2y

    That's why AI was invented

  9. @dancemetalhead 2y

    wait. Gordon Ramsay is the Linus of the culinary art, not the opposite

  10. @SamsonovAnton 2y

    Mr. Torvalds should be the new president of Finland.

    1. @AmindaEU 2y

      Torvalds senior has been a candidate occasionally, but I think this one lives in USA

      1. @SamsonovAnton 2y

        He could work remotely from there. 🤓💻

  11. @loki8008135 2y

    > whoever was the genius who thought it was a good idea to read things ONE F*CKING BYTE AT A TIME with system calls for each byte should be retroactively aborted. Who the f*ck does idiotic things like that? How did they noty die as babies, considering that they were likely too stupid to find a tit to suck on? https://lkml.org/lkml/2012/7/6/495 Linus the OG Roaster

    1. @ahmubashshir 2y

      > Guys, this is not a dick-sucking contest. If you want to parse PE binaries, go right ahead. If Red Hat wants to deep-throat Microsoft, that's *your* issue. That has nothing what-so-ever to do with the kernel I maintain. It's trivial for you guys to have a signing machine that parses the PE binary, verifies the signatures, and signs the resulting keys with your own key. You already wrote the code, for chissake, it's in that f*cking pull request. Why should *I* care? Why should the kernel care about some idiotic "we only sign PE binaries" stupidity? We support X.509, which is the standard for signing. https://lkml.org/lkml/2013/2/21/228

      1. @ZgGPuo8dZef58K6hxxGVj3Z2 2y

        Hehe

      2. @AmindaEU 2y

        I was going to /votekick homophobia, but it's a literal Linus quote from the link 🙈

        1. @sylfn 2y

          (where is the homophobia?)

          1. @RiedleroD 2y

            dick-sucking-contest as an insult

            1. @sylfn 2y

              aaaah

            2. @AmindaEU 2y

              I just hate it when people talk about it negatively like it wasn't fine and they tend to imply straight people couldn't do it or something

        2. @ahmubashshir 2y

          Thanks, Linus, I'm save because you're the one who said it😌 /s

  12. @LonelyGayTiger 2y

    I would pay to watch this show

  13. @LonelyGayTiger 2y

    You could probably fund linux development that way

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