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The Analog Approach to CSV Compression
DataFormats Post #5435 · source on Telegram

The Analog Approach to CSV Compression

Description

This image is a screenshot of a post on the Q&A website Quora. A user has asked the question, 'What is the best way to compress a CSV?'. Below the question, an answer from a user named Rich is shown. Rich's response begins by clarifying the definition of 'best'. When the implied user specifies the goal is 'To save the most disk space', Rich provides a hilariously impractical and literal solution: 'Print the file in a good OCR font and delete the file. It'll take zero disk space. Later you can scan it back in and OCR it.' The humor stems from this absurdly 'out-of-the-box' thinking, which takes the request to its logical but useless extreme. Instead of suggesting a standard digital compression algorithm (like gzip or bzip2), the answer proposes a physical, analog storage method. This satirizes the kind of pedantic, 'technically correct' but unhelpful answers often found on technical forums, and the potential pitfalls of poorly defined requirements

Categories

DataFormats Storage DevCommunities Communication Performance

Common Tags

Csv DataFormats FileCompression DeveloperHumor RelatableDevExperience OnlineCommunities

Comments

31
Anonymous ★ Top Pick Finally, a compression algorithm that's both stateless and has guaranteed physical-layer backups. The only downside is the OCR process introduces more data corruption than a failing hard drive
  1. Anonymous ★ Top Pick

    Finally, a compression algorithm that's both stateless and has guaranteed physical-layer backups. The only downside is the OCR process introduces more data corruption than a failing hard drive

  2. Anonymous

    At last, a codec that out-performs zstd - the VOID format. Just remember: if your DR plan involves a printer, your RTO is now gated by toner delivery SLAs

  3. Anonymous

    This is the same energy as solving scalability issues by printing your database and hiring interns to manually query it with highlighters - technically correct, practically insane, and guaranteed to make your SRE team question their life choices

  4. Anonymous

    Ah yes, the classic O(paper) compression algorithm - infinite compression ratio with only a slight performance penalty of several hours per read operation. Bonus points: it's naturally air-gapped for security, though the disaster recovery plan requires a working scanner and hoping your OCR doesn't interpret that '1' as an 'l'. Still better latency than waiting for S3 Glacier Deep Archive to restore your data

  5. Anonymous

    Paper+OCR: the only codec with compression ratio practically infinite, throughput effectively zero, and an RPO determined by how fast an intern finds the scanner

  6. Anonymous

    Infinite compression ratio achieved: rm the bits, store in ink - OCR your eventual consistency nightmare

  7. Anonymous

    We replaced gzip with the Cellulose codec - zero disk usage, retrieval handled by Facilities via OCR with p99 latency measured in fiscal quarters

  8. @endisn16h 2y

    bro do be spitting the facts tho

  9. 扇子 2y

    screw digital we goin back to paper

  10. dev_meme 2y

    not entirely a bad idea actually

  11. @Araalith 2y

    Oh, just use SSD or tape, they are not a disk.

    1. @sylfn 2y

      isn't ssd for "super speed disk"?

      1. Deleted Account 2y

        💀💀💀💀

        1. @sylfn 2y

          lmao i know "solid state drive" is the right answer

          1. Deleted Account 2y

            i know that you know

      2. @Araalith 2y

        No, it stands for super strong dick.

      3. @endisn16h 2y

        super sussy disk

    2. @SamsonovAnton 2y

      Disk is not the same as disc. The word "disk" may be synonymous to "volume" — that is, a block device with a file system on it. This is more of a logical construct rather than a physical storage hardware (which may consist of an entire RAID bundle). The word "disc", on the other hand, refers to the physical rotational medium, like in Compact Disc.

      1. @Araalith 2y

        If that is so, then the paper medium can also be considered a "disk", right?

        1. @SamsonovAnton 2y

          If you write a driver for it to be mounted as a disk volume (even read-only), then yes. 🤓

  12. @wireva 2y

    just dump it all to qr codes

    1. @Araalith 2y

      Just memorize it.

      1. @anysound 2y

        Along with some checksums just for good measure

      2. @Shivam967 2y

        Oh gosh. What an idea

  13. @spiritualattunement 2y

    data nerds are just built different

  14. @callofvoid0 2y

    use an indexed dictionary of repeatative phrases and use those indices as pointers

    1. @ZgGPuo8dZef58K6hxxGVj3Z2 2y

      Safe code💀💀

      1. @callofvoid0 2y

        red();

  15. @Araalith 2y

    Now we can use a laser engraver to convert this CSV file into a QR code.

  16. Deleted Account 2y

    isn't qr easier to scan

  17. @jerinisready 2y

    Remove all the commas! 🤪

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