Parody CEO insists firing devs makes the whole app faster

He claims firing the entire dev team gives us O(0) deploy latency - funny how Little’s Law forgot to footnote the part where revenue approaches the same limit

Ah yes, the classic O(n) to O(0) optimization strategy - just remove all the engineers and watch your app achieve infinite performance per developer. Who needs cache invalidation when you can just invalidate employment contracts?

Ah yes, the classic O(n-engineers) optimization strategy - reducing headcount to improve performance. Because nothing says 'scalable architecture' quite like firing the people who understand your distributed systems, leaving you with a monolithic codebase that nobody can maintain and technical debt compounding faster than your remaining engineers can say 'bus factor of one.' Bonus points when the app actually gets slower because the three remaining devs are now spending 80% of their time in incident response instead of addressing the actual performance bottlenecks in your N+1 queries

New perf playbook: replace the flamegraph with the org chart - delete a node, declare P99 solved; until you realize the only person who understood the shard map and cache warmup was the one you “optimized” out

Exec performance hack: misread Brooks’s Law - if adding devs makes it later, firing them is an O(1) speedup. P99 solved via “no deploys.”

Executive perf hack: shrink dev count to O(1) - infinite velocity until the codebase hits segfault