16 AI Developer Archetypes Grid From Enterprise Java Oracle to Research Paper Cosplayer

Description

A 4x4 grid of illustrated developer archetypes related to AI-assisted coding, each with a title, character illustration, and descriptive text. Row 1: 'THE ENTERPRISE JAVA ORACLE' (writes 14-page Confluence docs, refactors prompts into 6 layers: Controller, Service, Repository, DTO, Mapper, Trauma), 'THE MOLTBOT LIFE-AUTOMATOR' (has bots for everything, becomes catatonic when bot goes down), 'THE VIBECODER COMET' (prompts directly in prod, unit tests are 'the users will tell us'), 'THE RAG HOARDER' (uploads entire Downloads folder, calls it 'context', says 'bro it's in the embeddings'). Row 2: 'THE PROMPT POET (DARK ARTS)' (doesn't write code, writes spells, adds 'DO NOT HALLUCINATE' 47 times), 'THE GPU PEASANT WIZARD' (runs huge model on dying laptop, gets 2 tokens/sec, calls it 'mindful computing'), 'THE TOOLCALL GREMLIN' (everything is a tool call, even asking for water, debugging method: add 9 more tools), 'THE TYPESCRIPT CHILD OF DESTINY' (builds AI IDE inside browser inside another browser, cries in 'Type instantiation is excessively deep'). Row 3: 'THE PYTHON NOTEBOOK ALCHEMIST' (production system is a notebook named FINAL_v23_REAL.py), 'THE LLM EVALUATION NERD' (won't deploy until it beats 12 datasets and 3 rubrics, has a spreadsheet for the spreadsheet), 'THE SECURITY PARANOID MONK' (treats every token like it's radioactive, redacts the prompt, output, and concept of fun), 'THE MODEL POLYGAMIST' (simply routes between 4 AIs like a cheating boyfriend, 'ships anyway'). Row 4: 'THE I DONT NEED AI BOOMER' (calls agents 'cheating' while googling for 3 hours), 'THE STARTUP FOUNDER LARPER' (pitches 'it's like Uber but for prompts', has no product only a Notion board), 'THE CLAUDE SKILLS GRIFTER' (makes Claude write git commits in Shakespearean English, 'crafting skills so esoteric they're basically spells'), 'THE RESEARCH PAPER COSPLAYER' (names functions 'latest_alignment_regularizer()', reimplements papers badly but with confidence)